How many times do you have to tell someone how you feel? How many times do you have to tell someone how it’s going to be? How many times do you have to correct someone? How many times do you have to put your foot down?
I put out there how I feel. I put out there what I think. I put out there my thoughts. I put out there my opinions. I put myself out there. No one can censor me. No one can control what I say. No one can control whom I talk about. No one can control who I talk to.
There are some that don’t agree with what I write. Some despise my writing. On one side others feel my writing is aimed at them. A few times people think my writing is all about them. Sorry, that isn’t the case. My pieces are put together randomly and about multiple things unless I specify.
I write about how I feel. I write about how things impact me. I write about things that I think about. I think constantly and at times I want to share those thoughts. Is that so wrong of me? No it isn’t. I am at liberty to share whatever I want. I don’t have a parrot on my shoulder telling me what I can and can’t say.
No one controls my thoughts, motions, dialog, etc. I’m no ones puppet. I am no ones toy. I am no ones possession. I am my own person. Yes for the longest time I would change who I was for those around me or close to me thinking it would keep them with me. I would do things for others thinking it would keep them interested in me. After so long I was unable to give any more. One can only sacrifice themselves so much.
One person can only give so much before they are unable to carry on. Why? Because you always get to a point where you have nothing else to give. You can sacrifice yourself only so much before you collapse and aren’t able to carry on. Why? Because if it isn’t a give and take relationship and all you are doing is giving, that tank is going to reach empty and about that time you are going to say that you are done with it.
Why does everyone thing they can just take, take, take and not give? Yeah okay, maybe they give once in a great while but it doesn’t come close to how much the other is giving. At some point the other person that is giving is going to ask to receive at one point. They would like to know how it is to get a back rub for example, maybe to take a nap, how about taking a night off and going out with friends to relax and not have to worry about housework.
When that person comes to you and asks to recieve just once and they are turned down, they are hurt. To be told they can’t take a break it can be devistating to someone. Stress can amount to not only health issues but emotional and mental issues as well. Feeling neglected, feeling worthless, feeling unimportant. You may even notice them starting to withdrawl from “giving” because they are hurt. Things start to slow down. Why?
When someone pulls back from giving endlessly, they are starting to wear down and grow tired and weary of what is going on. They need a break. They need time to regroup. Why is that so unfair? To be able to express yourself however you want isn’t so difficult when you stand up for yourself and don’t tolerate anyones crap. Once you put your foot down and you talk about how you aren’t going to take it anymore, some people take notice. Other people, well they take notice when that foot is implanted some place it shouldn’t normally be.
I speak my mind. I release my thoughts. I vent what frustrates me. I am me. I change for no one. I refuse to be a puppet. I have my own two feet to stand on. By all means, if you want to be my puppet for a change, I accept the challenge. However, the question is on your paper… can you handle being controlled to the T? Can you tolerate giving repeatedly without a break? Can you handle someone censoring you? Can you still be true to yourself while someone is telling you what you can and can’t do?
This is my blog. These are my words. Those are my thoughts you are reading. Should you not like them, don’t read. I will continue to post about what I like. I will continue my therapy of venting on here to an extent. I will not put my entire self out there, but I will be damned if someone is going to limit me again.
My words. My expressions. My emotions. My ponderings. My opinions. My choice.