A Long-Time Hobby

My longest running hobbie. Well let's see…

drawing

The one hobbie that I've had the longest would be drawing. I've been doing it for a very long time. I'm not sure when I started drawing. Not sure if you'd count coloring in coloring books at a young age.

I enjoy drawing and designing so naturally going to school for Graphic Design was more or less a DUH! I enjoy designing and creating different things that my mind comes up with.

With drawing or designing you can create so many different things which is one of the things I love. I enjoy designing logos and have done a few so far for friends and family. Seeing their faces light up when I see that they like the design makes me happy.

Drawing a design for a tattoo even makes me happy. I wear my own artwork proudly and it makes me smile when someone compliments it. I have also recently designed a tattoo for a friend that I didn't know about. I had written a letter and on it I drew something completely random. Then I was told they wanted to get it as a tattoo. For someone else to want to get my design, that was so awesome. I've never had anyone request a design for me to wear for the rest of their life.

I find that when I draw that I can lose myself in it. Yes I have OCD but that helps. Every drawing I create I want it to look good. There have been times that I've drawn something and one line doesn't make me happy so I'll scrap the whole thing. Then there are the ones that you look at it and it's a minimal design and you know it doesn't need anything else. Adding to it would take away from it.

To sum it all up though, drawing has been my longest running hobbie. I don't ever think I'll give it up. I enjoy it to much.

The Past and the Previous

Update:: I recently ran across pictures of my ex and my dog. I have to say that I am surprised. I forgot about all of those pictures. I didn’t think I’d ever see them again. It would be shocking to have those forgotten memories just come flooding back all at once. That is exactly what happened to me.

There are times when I sit back and think about Japan and how awesome it was when I was there. The memories that were created were some happy and some sad, but that happens no matter where you go. At times I do sit back and wonder what would have happened if I had made a different move at a certain spot in time. What would have happened between my ex and I? What would have happened if I had crushed that test? So many what if’s just start running.

I don’t dwell to much on them but I do every now and again kick up the dust and look at those memories that make me smile. Memories of work, where I drove, what I saw, who I spent time with seeing the country, my very first date…

Snuggling in bed with my ex, wow. *sigh* Just sitting here and remembering all the things we use to do makes me smile. I would say that was an awesome relationship. And it all started because I was going to buy his car…turns out he wasn’t selling it but he was investing into something else.

The drives through the mountains when I got to go with him were awesome. Going to the aquarium was amazing as well. Goofing off in the snow with the car I bought him. Making enough noise that his buddy in the dorm room next door couldn’t turn his stereo up loud enough. Buying him roses for no reason at all. Showering him with gifts randomly because I wanted to.

There aren’t any hard feelings or bad thoughts I have about him. Yes I wish things were different but they aren’t. I’m not depressed looking at the pictures or remembering the stuff we did. It actually makes me smile. Yes there were bad times like any other relationship, but we learn and move on from them.

Pet for free

If I could pick a pet, any pet in the world and take it home for free I wouldn’t have to hesitate for a moment on what pet I would take home. I’d bring me home a white siberian tiger cub. Why you ask, because I have always wanted one. One of the main reasons I’ve wanted a white siberian tiger is because I could have him like a guard dog. I mean who’s going to break into my house knowing there is a tiger in there that could take out your throat? I’d also love to have a tiger because no one would mess with me. I could walk down the street without looking over my shoulder and worrying about someone sneaking up behind me. I would be able to go out more because I’d have my “body guard” with me too. A lot of my stress and anxiety would be gone should I be able to have a tiger. I would have to win the lottery though so I could be able to feed him though. Feeding a tiger costs quite a bit. So of course if I had a tiger and won the lottery I’d have a big house and a lot of property so he could run around and play. Another bonus of having a tiger for a pet and get him while he was a cub, I would train him to snuggle with me. My tiger would snuggle with me every night so I’d never run out of snuggles. I’d always have someone there for me. Being able to take home a white siberian tiger cub for free would be awesome. Tigers are expensive! Hopefully the licenses would come with the tiger too. I would be completely ecstatic to be able to take a tiger home for free. I’d be the happiest girl in the world!

Favorite work of Art

My favorite piece of artwork is Vincent van Gogh: Starry Night. I’m not sure why but it has been my favorite piece for a number of reasons. I mean you can’t like something generally without reason. Like I was recently told, you can’t dislike something without reason. Same applies to liking something.

Starry Night for me is meaningful. I take passion and attentiveness from the painting. I also take a lot of other different things from this piece as well. The colors are calming. You aren’t feeling rage when you look at this piece, you feel calm and relaxed. I start visualizing myself in the painting. It’s night time, the moon is shining bright with a cool breeze blowing through the trees. The stars in the sky sparkling brightly as the town slowly goes to sleep around me.

I looked up some information on the painting and was quite surprised. I love learning the back story of things and the back story to this piece was rather interesting. Van Gogh painted Starry Night while in an Asylum at Saint-Remy in 1889.

The aspects will be described below from http://www.vangoghgallery.com/painting/starryindex.html

• 1. There is the night sky filled with swirling clouds, stars ablaze with their own luminescence, and a bright crescent moon. Although the features are exaggerated, this is a scene we can all relate to, and also one that most individuals feel comfortable and at ease with. This sky keeps the viewer’s eyes moving about the painting, following the curves and creating a visual dot to dot with the stars. This movement keeps the onlooker involved in the painting while the other factors take hold.
• 2. Below the rolling hills of the horizon lies a small town. There is a peaceful essence flowing from the structures. Perhaps the cool dark colors and the fiery windows spark memories of our own warm childhood years filled with imagination of what exists in the night and dark starry skies. The center point of the town is the tall steeple of the church, reigning largely over the smaller buildings. This steeple casts down a sense of stability onto the town, and also creates a sense of size and seclusion.
• 3. To the left of the painting there is a massive dark structure that develops an even greater sense of size and isolation. This structure is magnificent when compared to the scale of other objects in the painting. The curving lines mirror that of the sky and create the sensation of depth in the painting. This structure also allows the viewer to interpret what it is. From a mountain to a leafy bush, the analysis of this formation is wide and full of variety.

Van Gogh’s Starry Night is indeed my favorite work of art.

The Coolest Airport

The coolest airport I’ve been I would have to say would be the airport in Tokyo Japan. There were so many different cultures in just one place it was amazing. You could walk around the airport for quite a while and not get bored either. Or at least I didn’t get bored.

In Tokyos large airport you also have an option to go outside on the observation deck and watch the planes move in and out of the airport as well as the employees moving luggage around, refueling the jet, etc. I was able to take pictures while I was outside and I rather enjoyed it.

Working on an Air Force base first of all I was exposed to jets landing and taking off all the time so it was no bother to me. I loved it. Being able to see the jets land and come in so the passengers could get off the plane and board, it was pretty neat.

Narita International Airport was by far the coolest airport I’ve ever been in. I mean where else can you get a set of acrylic nails for 200$ and a Big Mac for roughly four dollars?

To you my friend

To my wonderful friend,

Over the past few weeks you’ve made things more bearable for me. You’ve helped me open my eyes to multiple situations and ideas. I may have been quite shocked and caught off guard but it was only because no one has said those things to me before. I greatly appreciate your honesty with me. It’s one of the things that makes me happy to call you my friend.

Not only have you helped me with advice but you’ve helped me with trying to relieve stress, unneeded stress at that. You’ve helped me see things I haven’t looked at before. You’ve had me think of things I didn’t think about before. The funny part is, my therapist agreed with you on several different occasions or aspects of the advice you’ve given me. I’m very thankful to have you as a friend.

I’ve missed being able to talk to you. I’ve missed being able to hang out with you. I know that wasn’t possible because of jealousy issues. I know that there were issues so I stayed back and tried to keep to myself. I didn’t want there to be arguments or jealous fits because I didn’t want to cause you any grief or pain. Even with me staying away it didn’t happen. I so badly want to apologize to you for that but it wasn’t in my hands, it wasn’t me that did it.

I do want to apologize for feeling needy and so talkative. I just hope you understand it’s nice to be able to talk to you again and goof off like we use to. We always had fun. We were alway silly. It was sorely missed when it wasn’t there. Sitting back talking with you and giggling about when we use to hang out always makes me smile. I mean come on, we were goofballs. We still are and I absolutely love that. I don’t have to change who I am, how I talk or how I act with you because you already know me and I don’t have to be afraid to be myself. The only thing I have to do is toughen up and stop whining. *giggles*

Thank you for being there for me when I needed it last week. Being able to lay in your arms and talk about what is going on was so awesome. I was relaxed. You listened to me talk. You gave me advice. You saw what I was going through and having to deal with. Thank you so much for just holding me and allowing me to feel safe. For a moment the world stopped, everything paused and nothing was wrong…more importantly, I wasn’t worried.

Being your friend means a lot to me. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life. Please know that I’m always  here for you. I’ve been through so much and can offer you so much advice as well as hugs. I’m here to help you however I can, you know that. I’m here no matter what. I’m here no matter the time. I’m here no matter the day. All I want is to see you happy. I hate it when you are upset or mad, hurt or angry. I just want to see you happy. If there is ever anything I can do to help achieve that, let me know. You know I will try my hardest to see you smile.

You are an awesome friend to have. You an awesome person to be around. Don’t let anyone tell you different. Those people that are saying things to hurt you are only upset because you are moving forward with your life. Don’t let them drag you back down. Don’t let them pull you back into their web of lies. It isn’t worth it. It isn’t going to benefit you at all. Look forward and not behind you. Look up and not down. All else fails, you know I’m here for you if you ever want to chat. I know trust is an issue and I completely understand because it is with me as well.

Don’t limit yourself. Don’t hold yourself back from what you could have. Don’t let your past keep you down because you just might miss your future and I would hate to see that happen. You deserve the world and more. You deserve to be happy every day. You deserve to have someone support you in every single way. You aren’t the bad guy. You’re the good guy. Good guys don’t always finish last.

~Your friend~

My feelings

How many times do you have to tell someone how you feel? How many times do you have to tell someone how it’s going to be? How many times do you  have to correct someone? How many times do you have to put your foot down?

I put out there how I feel. I put out there what I think. I put out there my thoughts. I put out there my opinions. I put myself out there. No one can censor me. No one can control what I say. No one can control whom I talk about. No one can control who I talk to.

There are some that don’t agree with what I write. Some despise my writing. On one side others feel my writing is aimed at them. A few times people think my writing is all about them. Sorry, that isn’t the case. My pieces are put together randomly and about multiple things unless I specify.

I write about how I feel. I write about how things impact me. I write about things that I think about. I think constantly and at times I want to share those thoughts. Is that so wrong of me? No it isn’t. I am at liberty to share whatever I want. I don’t have a parrot on my shoulder telling me what I can and can’t say.

No one controls my thoughts, motions, dialog, etc. I’m no ones puppet. I am no ones toy. I am no ones possession. I am my own person. Yes for the longest time I would change who I was for those around me or close to me thinking it would keep them with me. I would do things for others thinking it would keep them interested in me. After so long I was unable to give any more. One can only sacrifice themselves so much.

One person can only give so much before they are unable to carry on. Why? Because you always get to a point where you have nothing else to give. You can sacrifice yourself only so much before you collapse and aren’t able to carry on. Why? Because if it isn’t a give and take relationship and all you are doing is giving, that tank is going to reach empty and about that time you are going to say that you are done with it.

Why does everyone thing they can just take, take, take and not give? Yeah okay, maybe they give once in a great while but it doesn’t come close to how much the other is giving. At some point the other person that is giving is going to ask to receive at one point. They would like to know how it is to get a back rub for example, maybe to take a nap, how about taking a night off and going out with friends to relax and not have to worry about housework.

When that person comes to you and asks to recieve just once and they are turned down, they are hurt. To be told they can’t take a break it can be devistating to someone. Stress can amount to not only health issues but emotional and mental issues as well. Feeling neglected, feeling worthless, feeling unimportant. You may even notice them starting to withdrawl from “giving” because they are hurt. Things start to slow down. Why?

When someone pulls back from giving endlessly, they are starting to wear down and grow tired and weary of what is going on. They need a break. They need time to regroup. Why is that so unfair? To be able to express yourself however you want isn’t so difficult when  you stand up for yourself and don’t tolerate anyones crap. Once you put your foot down and you talk about how you aren’t going to take it anymore, some people take notice. Other people, well they take notice when that foot is implanted some place it shouldn’t normally be.

I speak my mind. I release my thoughts. I vent what frustrates me. I am me. I change for no one. I refuse to be a puppet. I have my own two feet to stand on. By all means, if you want to be my puppet for a change, I accept the challenge. However, the question is on your paper… can you handle being controlled to the T? Can you tolerate giving repeatedly without a break? Can you handle someone censoring you? Can you still be true to yourself while someone is telling you what you can and can’t do?

This is my blog. These are my words. Those are my thoughts you are reading. Should you not like them, don’t read. I will continue to post about what I like. I will continue my therapy of venting on here to an extent. I will not put my entire self out there, but I will be damned if someone is going to limit me again.

My words. My expressions. My emotions. My ponderings. My opinions. My choice.

Wedding crazy

What goes into planning a wedding? It isn’t just a simple task. No it’s packed with all sorts of things. Try and make it simple. Just have a ceremony with two people and just go out to dinner afterwards. That’s what my sister did years ago when she got married. I like that kind of simple.

Weddings. What do they involve?
Guest list; how many people are you going to have there?
Dress; what kind of dress are you looking for and how much is that baby going to cost?
Flowers; what kind of flowers are you going to have. Where are they going to be placed?
Colors; are you going to have a set color or colors for the wedding?
Theme; what kind of theme are you going with?
Grooms outfit; what is the groom going to wear?
Place; where is the wedding going to be? Where is the reception going to be held?
Cake; what kind of cake are you going to have?
Food; what types of foods are you going to serve at the reception?
Wedding party; who is going to be the brides maids, maid of honor, flower girl, ring bearer, best man?
Seating; where is everyone going to sit during the ceremony as well as the reception?
Rings; what rings are you going to get for each other?
Invitations; are you sending out invitations? What are they going to look like?
Center pieces; what are you having on the table for your guests to look at?
Shoes; what shoes are you going to wear?
Jewelry; are you going to have earrings, a necklace, bracelet, rings?
Nails; are you going to go get your nails done?
Make up/hair; who are you going to have do your hair and make up for your big day?

Of course I know I’m missing a few things but you get the gist. You have to make a list then run around like a mad woman trying to get everything done. You start doing things ahead of time thinking it’s all going to get together on time but sometimes that doesn’t happen. I think if I tried to plan a wedding I’d be stressed beyond belief and I stress out easily. Watching someone go through these steps of putting a wedding together is scaring me right out of it.

Simply the best

Sunday I was able to hang out with my Dad and my daughter. We went to the bowling alley and bowled a game. We got through five frames on our own until my daughter decided to take over and bowled the rest for us. Chit chat ensued and laughing and giggling as my daughter bowled and stuck her head through and her hair went blowing with the fan that is suppose to dry your hands. Only thing is, I forgot my phone so I wasn’t able to take pictures of the events at the bowling alley.

We sat and talked as we ate catching up on events. My daughter devoured her mac and cheese. We watched other people bowl and I talked with a friend that works at the bowling alley for a minute catching up. Then we headed back to the house. Flipping through channels we ran across The Waltons so I stopped. We watched a few episodes before Dad fell asleep on the couch. My daughter was playing on the floor with her car mat and cars. Her monster truck in hand running over the doll…this is not new.

After spending the day with my Dad, I can honestly say, my 26th birthday was the best birthday I’ve ever had. I got to spend my day with the people that mean the most to me. Though I do miss and wish a few other people could have been there for the day, I am very glad I got to spend the day with my daughter and my Dad.

Music return?

What do you think of this? Do you think she’s made a better return? Do you think she’s come back from her fall out in previous years? What is your opinion on her music? Better? Worse? Is she doing better than before  her fall out? Do you think she will ever be what she was before?

I know there is such controversy on this musical artist but at the same time, she turned herself around and came back to music. My question to you is, did she better herself after her come back or did she damage her career permanently?

Just a thought…